GMJK placed himself in the shoes of three other GMs (ER, RP and SJ) before the Protected Roster announcements, and tried to figure out how he'd handle the PR decisions and the draft based on the current state of the team. The results are as follows...
LOS AMJAWORS KINGS
1 . Who are the senior team PR locks and are
there difficult “bubble” decisions?
After a relatively disappointing 5th
place finish last year, the Kings are still stacked on the top end, but they
are a bit flabby in the loins. There are real “bubble” decisions for GMSJ, which
is concerning because he can hardly find the time hopping between Salerno,
Murcia, Fukuoka and the District of North Vancouver to make roster choices. Here
are the most likely ten to make the cut:
Prairie Jesus (F)
There are no question marks here, only answers. Like “yes, our Lord and
Saviour did have a pizza face as a teen” and “those with Asperger’s can have highly
prominent and lucrative careers”. The Best Player In The World (sorry, Claude) has
announced his intention to add to his stratospheric assist totals with even
more goals this year, and who are we to second guess His gospel. But don’t look
past the fact that Ty Rattie is his likely RW and that his team is as diarrheal
as a Taco Bell latrine.
Sid the
I’m-Not-Kidding-This-Team-Has-The-World’s-Two-Best-Players (F)
Too
old for his nickname, it’s time for a new one: call him The Great Unwashed, for
he is still a dominant force at the ripe old age of 31. There are no doubts
here, other than the fact that his 5v5 numbers are well down and he is becoming
increasingly reliant on the PP to get his stats. Still, don’t stop tuning in
for The Crosby Show.
Sean Couturier (F)
Well, this really chaps my ass. I used a high pick on Couturier in the
2016 draft as I thought he was finally poised to break out, and he put up 34. GMSJ
grabs him later the next year and he puts up…76! Goddammit. The Flyers seem to
have unleashed their offense under Hakstol last year, as Giroux moved to
Couturier’s wing and significantly increased his numbers as well. Can they
repeat? Can Couturier enter the Ginger Hall of Fame?
Jonathan Marchessault (F)
It’s sort of bananas that this guy is 27 and didn’t really break out
until the past year, posting 75 points on the Vegas Cinderellas. His centre,
William Karlsson, will likely regress from his unearthly shooting percentage,
and the incoming Patches might eat some of his minutes; but you’d imagine that
on balance the infusion of Stastny and Pacioretty will level things out on the
offensive end and Marchy will be due for another big year. Unless the novelty’s
worn off, and this team is truly a Mirage.
Vladimir Tarasenko (F)
Famed booger eater and Dexterphile, Tarasenko had a slightly down year in
2017/18 with “only” 66. But the Blues had a wild offseason and have given him
two new, quality line mates in ROR and Patrick Maroon. Big things should be
expected, unless the aforementioned are too slow to keep up with the Yaroslavl
Rocket.
Brent Burns (D)
Found helicoptering his cock in a Chick-fil-A when news of the Karlsson
trade dropped, the Caveman is frothing at
the mouth at the potential of the PP1 this year. The Computer Boyz say that he
actually had a bad year in 2017/18, despite putting up 67 points at 32 years
old. The fact is, the man is a volume shooter and now he has the world’s best
passer on the powerplay – he will be fine. Peep his Trump dentures, too. So
much winning!
Alex Pietrangelo (D)
Almost as tall as the departed GMDC, this is still the best D-man in the
STL, and still the PP1 quarterback. Pietrangelo put up a career high 54 last
year, and should be similar or better this year (depending on how Tarasenko
works out with the new guys, as mentioned above). Jello continues to be
criminally underrated league wide, and at 28 he has years left to contribute.
Braden Holtby (G)
With
a neck beard that you’d like to commemorate on a throw pillow, this is still a
tough one. While he plays for the reigning Stanley Cup champs, they were not as
dominant last year in the regular season as they have been previously, and he
only posted a .907 last year to the tune of 72 meagre points in our format. You
have to give him the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to a lingering
injury, as there is too much good history and too little in the way of
threatening back-ups to move off Holtser.
Here’s where the head and ball
scratching begins for the last two senior PR spots. There’s a lot of middling
vets in the current pool, and not a ton of upside. Jared Spurgeon went three seasons in the 20+ point range on the blue line, but has now had back-to-back 37 point campaigns, finishing 34th in scoring among defencemen in 2017/18. But he's a small guy that isn't getting PP1 time with Dumba's emergence (who went from 34 to 50 the past two seasons), and he's still on the second line behind Suter and Dumba. Spurgeon might still be the right call, but here's the two other most obvious
candidates, who aren't without their own serious question marks in their newfound situations:
David Perron (F)
Perennially
passed around like a catheter cleanser at a retirement home, Perron is once
again on the move – this time from the exciting new project in Vegas back to a
familiar home in St. Louis. Yes, he put up 66 last year on the Cinderellas, but
he has never done more than 46 in STL, and he is now unlikely to sniff PP1 on a
deep Blues team. Expect a drop back. Also, be concerned that as his eyes continue
to drift further apart his depth perception will diminish.
Erik Haula (F)
GMSJ went deep on Vegas last year, and it provided the best highlights
for the Kings in a fairly poor 2017/18 draft haul(a). This former Wild product
put up 21 more than his previous high for 55 total on the Golden Knights (good for 79th among forwards). But,
and there is always a “but” with the Knights, he is now behind Patches and
Marchessault on the left side and is unlikely to get any time on PP1. Also,
look at that guy and tell me he hasn’t shacked up with a truly unfortunate
girlfriend this summer who won’t soon take a scissor to his t-shirt collection
and drop a dump in his Ford Raptor.
2 . Are the 2 prospect slots no-brainers or tricky?
Cale Makar is drafted but has no contract in the NHL, so it’s straight to prospectville for this highly touted D-man. I don’t think there’s anyone else here to be protected?
3 . With those keepers, what ought to be GMSJ’s 2018 Draft priorities?
GMSJ has a tough job on his hands if he wants to compete with the big boys this year and not waste the final few years of Crosby and Burns. The Kings’ keepers are top heavy and Burns and Crosby are getting up there. They also got great performances from some guys that have only really done it once late in their careers (Couturier, Marchessault, Perron, Haula) and so there is some risk that, if situations change, the points haul could dissipate. Some young upside should be infused.
Having traded none of his picks and having a bog standard 1 through 10 in the back half of each round, the priorities will likely stack up as follows:
- Use the early rounds to grab a couple produce-this-year forwards and D-men to fill out the SR and stay competitive;
- Use a mid-round pick on a ‘keeper to push Holtby; and
- Focus on upside and prospects late on to prepare for the new 3 slot system.
4 . What keeps GMSJ up at night?
The number of long sleeve tees to pack for Fukuoka this time of year.
5 . How will 2018/19 end?
3rd place.
The following are based on Cullen’s projections at TSN (who is generally quite conservative), and a goalie guess. It's still a very filthy group.
McDavid
|
108
|
Sid
|
94
|
Marchessault
|
62
|
Tarasenko
|
71
|
Couturier
|
58
|
Burnsy
|
71
|
Pietrangelo
|
49
|
Perron
|
53
|
Haula
|
39 K
|
Holtby
|
85
|
TOTAL
|
690
|
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