Saturday, September 22, 2018

Season Preview: Powder Rangers 2018/19; it's morphin' time!


GMJK placed himself in the shoes of three other GMs (ER, RP and SJ) before the Protected Roster announcements, and tried to figure out how he'd handle the PR decisions and the draft based on the current state of the team. The results are as follows...

POWDER RANGERS


1 .  Who are the senior team PR locks and are there difficult “bubble” decisions?

The true “locks” are easy enough to spot for GMER, but each is not without a significant question mark:

          Jack Eichel (F)
After a rocky career start plagued by a bad team and numerous injuries, can (Almost) Cap’n Jack enter the top 10 of Greatest Ever NHL Gingers, alongside the likes of Lanny McDonald, the Sedins, Claude Giroux and Mike Commodore, or is his life’s highlight destined to be playing ‘Chunk’ in the reboot of The Goonies?

Artemi Panarin (F)
Despite the fact that he appears to have his hair cut by a toaster, the Breadman is poised for a massive contract year before entering Free Agency – but has his quintessentially-Russian enigmatic disposition enraged Torts to the tune of reduced TOI and a move to PP2, or will Angry John assure Artemi that they still have each other, and AP can stand under his Tortorella (ella, ella), eh?

Matt Duchene (F)
When not Googling “Vanilla Ice hair secrets”, the Douche is making silky all-for-naught saucer passes to the marketing managers that Melnyk acquired in the Nortel bankruptcy – despite his eastern Ontario roots, does this elite-level skater have any fucks left to give about a franchise currently hellbent on ascending Toothless Mark Borowiecki to the Captaincy and trading Mark Stone for Zamboni fuel?

Gabriel Landeskog (F)
Tragically losing his eyebrows in a cheese frying incident, Gabe has persevered with a mostly up, but sometimes down, career thus far, and appears poised for greater heights on an improving team playing wing for MacKinnon – but will he be pushed back into a checking role against opposing teams’ best players as Kerfoot and Kamenev emerge as offensive threats?

Brock Boeser (F)
The scouting reports said he was too symmetrical to be sufficiently memorable for couture and he’d be resigned to high street work, so Brock Steady shifted his focus to hockey and the early returns have been strong: to the tune of 55 in 62 in his first “full” season. But with a 16% shooting percentage and a broken back, will His Brockness regress in 2018-19?

Nico Hischier (F)
After demonstrating in Year 1 that the threat he poses in the offensive zone is as great as the threat that his eyebrows will one day connect, the Big Rig from Brig locked himself into the Powder Rangers’ senior PR for 2018-19 – but the Computer Boyz prognosticate that the Devils are likely to regress this year, and his Art Ross Trophy winning wingman also shot at a career high rate last year…

John Klingberg (D)
In a better mental state after making amends with Landeskog over his negligence in the great eyebrow razing fondue incident of 2017, this otherwise Stage 10 Klinger has been an absolute beast on the blue line since his rookie campaign – but after a career high 67 last year, will he fall back into the mid-50s as Radulov and Spezza continue to increase the average age of PP1?


With Trouba continuing to suck, Jaccob Slavin sliding back from a high of 34 to 30 in two 82-game seasons, and with a dearth of other options, you have to imagine that the following “bubble” players make the Powder Rangers’ senior PR ahead of other names like Kevin Haze and Sven Bearcheese:

Colton Parayko (D)
GMER confessed that this Dolphelganger has not turned into the stud offensive defenceman that he had hoped for, and it remains to be seen if Colton can break that 35 point ceiling as he continues to be threatened by the emergence of Vince Dunn on the PP and sweat-soaked Instagram videos of Sylvester Stallone pumping iron at the gym.

Jake Allen (G)
Despite his inability to crack 33 wins, and GMER’s general disappointment with his ‘tender, you have to think that with Carter Hutton being shipped to the Sabres that Jake the Snake will get increased starts on a team that had a great offseason – he could also post a .906 again, and so GMER will be on the lookout for a 1A/1B goalie come draft time.

Nick Schmaltz (F)
This first round draft pick IRL from 2014 has found himself in a cushy spot centring the 2nd line in Chicago, and getting PP1 time, but when he’s not moonlighting as a Teen Wolf impersonator at area birthday parties he will be swatting back the rising Alex Debrincat from his precious powerplay time, which could significantly dampen his 52 points from last year.

2 .  Are the 2 prospect slots no-brainers or tricky?

Vrana and Forsling both have one year left on their ELCs and Sam Steel has three years to go. Forsling likely won’t amount to anything, and so the smart money is on placing Vrana and Steel into the 2 prospect slots, and not wasting a senior roster spot on any of these three.

3 .  With those keepers, what ought to be GMER’s 2018 Draft priorities?

The Powder Rangers’ keeper forwards are actually looking quite solid, and everyone is still fairly young. This team can actually compete for a top 4 spot this year with a great draft, and certainly find its way into the playoffs. The draft plan for GMER should be a balance between the present and the future, without getting too cute about “potential”.

With a 5th overall pick, no 4th rounder, and an otherwise vanilla set of one-per-round (but relatively high) draft picks, the priorities will likely stack up as follows:

  • Grab a potential homerun prospect forward at 5th overall like Zadina, or nab a massive upgrade on defence with the Claassics’ (RIP) P.K. Subban;
  • Find a goalkeeper who can at least potentially emerge as an upgrade over Allen;
  • Use the mid-rounds to get 50+ point forwards to round out the final 2 forward Scoring Roster spots;
  • Pluck a 40+ point defenceman to round out the D corps; and
  • Nab yet another keeper prospect to fill out the expansion to 3 slots under our new system, with Vrana due to be off his ELC after this year.

4 .  Despite his early-to-bed time, numerous sleep aids and melatonin pills, what is the most likely thing keeping GMER awake at night?

Jake Allen really definitely sucks and the KCKL overly weights ‘tender points to the tune of a 40 point gap between quite good ‘keepers and the very few elite. GMER will roil under his sleep mask (Nite Hood) as he contemplates burning one of his few high picks on a starting goalie at the expense of some blue blood players like Hoffman, Ryan Ellis et al.

5 .  How will 2018/19 end?

6th place.

The below are based on Scott Cullen’s projections and a goalie guess. The Los Amjawors Kings have 87 more points on the PR list and I have them finishing 3rd, and the W-B/S Parkers have an identical set of points and I have them 8th. But I am going with my gut on this one that Cullen has been too pessimistic about this Powder Rangers group, and I like GMER’s high draft position to allow him to find a stud netminder and some other pieces to put him over the Parkers and not super far off the Kings.


Eichel
70
Panarin
80
Duchene
58
Landeskog
55
Boeser
64
Hischier
55
Klingberg
61
Parayko
37
Schmaltz
51
Allen
72
TOTAL
603

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